Are you listening?

Hello, Namaste and Shalom!

Humans have been in communication since time immemorial.  A lot has been written on this topic and a lot more will be.  What’s important for you as a leader or an entrepreneur is, when was the last time you worked on your communication skills?  Just reflect on this for a few moments!

Now that you have reflected let’s look at some of the barriers.  For a leader or an entrepreneur, one of the most important skills in communicating is the ability to listen.  Most of the time leaders and entrepreneurs come with a fixed mindset to hear.  What the people in the team really want, is someone who should listen to them.  Here are a few ways that can cause a problem for not listening.

Assume

Most of the time leaders assume that they know what is going on in the mind of one or all of their team members based on body language, facial expressions, mood, and natural behavioral tendencies.  This is called mind reading.

Bias

Often leaders are biased in their listening. They are looking at confirming previously held biases.  This happens when leaders and entrepreneurs are not aware that they listening in a biased manner.  The listener isn’t tuned to what a speaker intends to communicate and interprets the communication from his own point of view.

Position

Often leaders have this belief, what can this person way down the line have to offer to the organisation.  They are often ignored and are not acknowledged.

Speaking First

There is a tendency for leaders to speak their mind about an idea or thought and then ask for the opinion of their employees or team in the hope of getting them to think and validate the position of the leader’s pet idea or theory.

These are a few ways that will end with your employees or team member stopping to communicate with you or sharing their feedback, ideas or honest opinion.  All of the above can lead to a demoralized workforce.

If a leader wants to avoid falling into this trap of communication barriers with their employees and teams, then here are a few things they can do.

Leaders have to develop the skill of being attentive and aware when listening. They have to not just give their ear but to listen with an open heart. They have to develop the art of being authentically curious when listening. They need to show their deep interest by clarifying and asking questions. They have to suspend all judgments and be open to what is being said.

These are a few of the points that you as a leader or entrepreneur need to keep in mind the next time you decide to listen to your employees or team.

THREE IMPORTANT ENERGETIC THINGS TO DO EARLY EVERY MORNING!

Hello, Namaste and Shalom,

What is the first thing that you did today when you woke up?  Take a moment to think.  Did the 3 important things that you do everyday, energise and keep you going through the day?  If not, then follow these steps to see how they make a difference in your life.

1.  Most of the time we aren’t clear about what we want the day to be and so we aren’t able to achieve what we want to do  The first thing that you can do when you awake is smile and have a clear intention in your mind about how you want your day to unfold.

2. We spend a large part of our lives and work stuck to a chair sitting, compared to our ancestors who moved physically in order to get their work done.  The Second thing you can do is physically move – exercise.  Take up an exercise system that can energise and heal your body.  It should help focus and relax your mind.  Qigong is one such health modality and way of life that can energise your body, mind and spirit.  It is based on ancient teachings that were developed by the masters of the art through close observation and interaction with nature.

3. Our current life and work style may leave us less time to have proper meals.  We tend to believe diet fads based on western systems that are not ground in research and reality.  Remember your body has not eaten a meal since the last eight hours.  It has worked on digesting the meal you had.  Healing and rebuilding your body of its wear and tear.  Even the meals we eat during the day do not give us adequate nourishment.  Our body deserves to be well nourished.  The third thing you can do is start your day with a proper breakfast.  Preferably eat food that is produced locally in line with what is grown in your local geographical location.  

In conclusion the three things that you need do every day to make your day more productive are.  Have a clear intention at the start of the day.  Move your body to physically energise it.  Nourish it by having a proper meal.

Where your body goes mind follows...

Hello, Namaste and Shalom!

Are we present where we are? Often our body is physically present at a certain place, while we are thinking and feeling about something in the past or future.  This behaviour leads to losing track of the present moment.  Every day in our life, there are situations like these, where we have lost focus to significant moments.  It may be while having breakfast or lunch, having a shower, travelling to work, during the meeting and every moment our attention has shifted focus, we have lost awareness, you have lost precious moments.

What is the reason for such behavior that comes up at the most critical moments in our lives? What causes our thinking to drift?  What is it that entwines us in this vortex of thought and feelings that take us away on a journey from this moment.  Are we made or molded like this?

Let us go a little back in time, from a young age we are told to focus, pay attention, listen to what is said.  But we aren't taught the method or process to be attentive.  It is assumed that we understand what it means to be attentive.  We go through a process of trial and error, and learn to pay attention.  Also attached to this process of learning to pay attention are a lot of judgmental filters that cloud the processes.  Interestingly, none of this is done systematically and regularly. Yet, some of us learn to be more attentive and some less and we are not sure how we do it.

Let us look at three real life scenarios that I faced in my life. I was in the fourth standard.  The exam was just over and after the bell we were moving back to our own classes.  I was pretty excited as the paper had gone well.  As we were moving from the ground floor to the first to go to our class, I started to climb up the stairs, and in my excitement, I made a quick decision to skip jump the stairs.  In doing so, I missed the stairs.  I stretched my arms to break my fall and landed on my right arm below my upper body.  I had fractured my right forearm about four inches from the wrist.  I was in pain and was sent home to be taken to a doctor, and my hand was in cast for 6 weeks.  Now to come to the point, I had made a quick decision to skip jump the stairs without calculating the distance and paying attention to how I was going to skip the steps with full attention and awareness.  Secondly the excitement that I was feeling overwhelmed me and so, my attention and awareness was diverted.

The second incident I’d like to share.  I was in class seventh and it was a normal school day.  The teacher was explaining the lesson.  Listening to it my attention was diverted and I began to look out of the window daydreaming.  I wasn’t aware of this and was lost in my thoughts.  Suddenly in the distance I heard the teacher calling my name. I awoke from my daydreaming.  I felt a sense of embarrassment as the teacher asked me, what point was she explaining.

The third incident.  Years later I was in an office meeting.  As the discussion progressed, I became engrossed in thinking about what had happened the previous day and lost awareness of the current discussion.  I was not aware of the thoughts I was engrossed in.  I suddenly heard a lot of laughter and my attention and awareness got back to the discussion.  Interestingly it was a joke on the idea being discussed, yet I had lost the moment to a lively discussion.

Not able to pay attention and be aware can be costly in our lives, with our relationships, and at work...  Think for a moment where you lost focus and were not aware of what was going on.  What was the outcome of that moment in our life when you were not mindful?  We do know that a lot of accidents and mistakes take place due to the person at the helm of activities, not paying attention and awareness of what is happening.  They have lost attention and awareness and their focus is on some other activity.  They have not been mindful.  The outcome is costly.  The information age gave us a lot of data, but we became a distracted lot. We are not focused on what needs to be done.  We are more focused on what we want done!

Lets understand the above three situations.  All of their physical body is at a particular place so the obvious thing is the mind also should be present there.  As we don’t work consciously, to train minds from a young age to be attentive and aware in a systematic manner, we cannot expect to become better at focusing.  We can also add this to issues related to our emotional state of mind where we have not understood ourselves better.  I’ll leave that for another article.

So where the body goes the mind goes and where the mind goes our energy flows.

Sifu Carlton Hill

A Case for Being Mindful!

Hello, Namaste and Shalom!

In my last article, I explained in brief through an example of how mindful we can be when learning to ride a bicycle.  I also mentioned that being mindful is paying attention, being aware and remembering to do it repeatedly. Today, I would like to make the case of being mindful.

In the last decade or more we have lived through an information economy.  Over a period of time the convergence of the computer, net and mobile phones has led to a seamless connectivity of information and entertainment.  Today, we are connected to more devices and social media applications but our levels of focus and awareness have dwindled. Our personal, family, work… lives are more distracted than fulfilling due to the constant bombardment of information and entertainment that keeps giving us the wrong notion that everything is important and can make us happy.  We are less focused and more distracted. We have become less happy beings and more stressed. We are not singularly able to focus on an activity as our mind tends to be focused on more than one thing at a time. .We even have the false notion that we can multi-task. We have become addicted to the rush of dopamine (feel good), when we hear the ping and sense the vibrations of our mobile devices.  From being a boon, information technology has become a bane to society.

I know you may say that I have painted a grim image. Since you are reading this article, let me ask you a question.  How many times did your attention shift, as you were reading this article? Were you consciously aware of the shift in focus? What was your response when you realised that your focus had shifted.

Now in most cases if you are not mindful, your focus would have shifted and when you realised, you may have started to berate, chastised or scold yourself.  That apart, think of the number of times in the day you aren't focused or your physically present in one place, but your mind is on a totally different journey.  You miss important parts of your life due to this shift in focus which keeps on moving. It seems like your mind has a mind of its own.

Think of those moments in your life when you aren't able to bring your attention to, what needs to be done, whether it's being creative, learning, listening, working...  Here again you may berate yourself.

Lets say that you are in a meeting. You start with paying attention, and as the meeting progresses your mind starts to shift focus.  Suddenly in the distance you hear your name being called and your attention is back to the meeting. You are asked a question, but since your attention was far away you aren't able to give a reply. You answer that you need more time to think. Everyone's attention shifts to another person.  You breathe a sigh of relief cursing yourself for your lack of attention.

There are moments in life when you are facing a situation that may seem to be difficult to overcome. Due to these thoughts you have certain feelings that are associated with it and they get manifested into your behaviour.  The more you think about this situation as difficult, painful, stressful..., more feelings associated with them arise. You begin to believe your thoughts to be real which increase feelings like fear, anxiety, anger, unease....

So if you look at the above scenarios, you notice being swayed by the thoughts and feelings that arise in your mind, believing them to be reality.  If you would be mindful about those moments, you would be able to see how your mind functions and be able to have an appropriate response. But why just be mindful only at these moments. Practicing it with compassion and being kind to yourself can help you lead a more aware, focused and fruitful life.

...intention to pay attention repeatedly

Hello, Namaste and Shalom!

In the last couple of years we have all heard the term mindfulness. Some of us know about it, others wondered what it was, still others read about it and either started practice or teaching.  One interesting observation worth noting was, many who practiced it, experienced a sense of relaxation and calm.

So what is Mindfulness? Mindfulness means paying attention to our bodies, our emotions, our minds, and the world in a particular manner with purpose, in the present moment, and not judging the experience.  Now if we look at the description of Mindfulness, it seems to be a hard way of life; why, cause we are used to living with a crowd of thoughts, the turmoil of emotion that makes life a frightening roller coaster, by adding our prejudices and judgement to every experience in life.  Interestingly Mindfulness has been practiced for thousands of years and it can still refresh your attitude towards life and living.

So how does one start to become mindful?  Let me give you a simple example.  Recollect the first time you started to ride a bicycle.  You had someone to support you, your mom, dad, sibling or friend, you may have had even training wheels.  You were focused, with your hands on the handle bar, feet firmly planted on the pedal moving it forward you made corrections on balancing the handle bar straight.  As you progressed the corrections became smaller and smaller and your ride became longer.  You began to enjoy this act of riding the bicycle with confidence.

One can use the above example in practicing the art and science of being mindful.  Just as in riding the bicycle you made micro actions repeatedly on balancing the handle bar until it became a seamless activity.  You brought your attention to riding the bicycle with full awareness and continuously remembered to do all those actions.  You wouldn't get distracted or fall asleep else you would lose your balance.  You now have to do the same with being mindful in everyday life.

To be mindful one has to have attention, awareness and remembering.  Attention we know as having focus. Awareness is knowing about knowing and remembering means a reminder to be aware and pay attention again and again.  So we can say that mindfulness is an intention to pay attention repeatedly.

So let us apply the above, to the skill of focusing on your breath, which is a practice to develop your mindful skill.  Let’s do this, find a quite place without distractions for 1 minute.  Focus your attention to your breath, sounds simple! You then notice that your mind starts to focus on other thoughts, that keep coming up, and that is OK.  You just keep the attention on your breathing with awareness, and remember to keep repeating even when your attention shifts, without chastising or shouting at yourself in your mind.

Keep doing that for a minute and when finished you can find time again to do it for another and another till you are comfortable, then increase the time slowly.

  

Have a wonderful time practicing to be mindful.  You will hear from me soon on how you can apply this simple skill to different areas of your life.